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April 08, 2008

Are The Elevators Fixed?

With the recent problems resulting from BD incompetently overloading the elevator some guests have written in to our blog to make sure they are running before they make the trip.  Well, we're pleased to report that they are presently running if not smoothly then at least some what jerkily.  But that is not the only problem to be encountered on the infamous elevators of the Chelsea Hotel.


Directed by Luke Joerger for Snap Films. Based on a story by Ed Hamilton from "Legends of the Chelsea Hotel: Living with the Artists and Outlaws of New York's Rebel Mecca." View other trailers here.

February 25, 2008

The Haunted Crack Den of the Chelsea

Susan and I went to a party the other night hosted by a fellow blogger named Trevor whom we met online and then started running into around the neighborhood.  It was already crowded when we got there.  Trevor, the host, told us that one of his friends was visiting from out of town, and he had sent him to the Chelsea Hotel.
     “But I’m not sure if he likes it,” Trevor said.  “He doesn’t know anything about the Chelsea or its history, and he’s just used to staying in regular hotels.”
      We ran into Trevor’s friend, Bob, a tall, muscular man in his thirties, later in the evening.  “Trevor tells me you’re staying at the Chelsea,” I said.  “How do you like it?”

“Man, that place is a dump.  I can’t believe Trevor sent me there, but I know he thinks it’s a joke.”

I told him you had to really be into the whole Bohemian trip to appreciate it.  “How much are they hitting you up for?” I asked.

“$260 a night!” Bob said.  “I know it’s New York and all, but I’m getting raped, aren’t I.  When they took me up to my room I just rolled my eyes.  I couldn’t believe it.  It was a crack den.  I started looking around for needles and used condoms and stuff on the floor.”

Susan and I both cracked up at this.

“But that’s OK, I can take it for a couple of nights,” Bob said.  “Let Trevor have his fun.”  He went on to say, however, that another friend of his claimed to have seen a special on HBO that said the Chelsea was haunted.  “He’s not telling the truth, is he?”

“Well, a lot of people think it is,” Susan said.  We then went on to tell him about Sid’s ghost, Thomas Wolfe’s ghost, the Betty Boop ghost, Larry the hipster ghost, and the various other famous spectral manifestations of the hotel.

“How do you people know so much about this?” Bob asked suspiciously.

We explained that we had lived in the Chelsea for 13 years.  And since he seemed interested, I also took the opportunity to mention that he could pick up a copy of Legends at the Barnes and Noble, or at any other fine bookstore near him.  Some times we had to shout over the din of the music and conversation, but Bob definitely got the gist of it.

“Shit,” he said.  “$260 a night to sleep with a ghost!”  He told us about how when he was a kid he had moved with his parents into a big old house where he heard mysterious noises that he attributed to ghosts.  “They made the heating ducts creak, and opened doors when no one was standing there.”

I guess it was at about this time that it occurred to both Susan and I that this guy was really, seriously afraid of ghosts—though certainly the realization had been building all along.  Maybe we should have tried to reassure him, but we couldn’t help ourselves: it was too much fun to string him along.

“What floor are you on?” Susan asked.

“Why, does that matter?” Bob asked in turn.

“Some floors are more notorious for psychic activity,” I said.

“Uh, the first floor,” Bob said warily.

“Oh no!” both Susan and I exclaimed.  “That’s Sid’s floor!”

“Oh my God,” Bob said.  “I knew there was something wrong with that floor.  There’s that painting of that scary lady who looks like she’s looking at you, right when you get off the elevator.”  (It’s by Hawk Alfredson.)  “I should have turned right around and walked back out as soon as I saw that.  I’m not scared of anything—any man.  I train fighters for Bodog fighting.  But you can’t fight a ghost.  A ghost is not rational.  He’s not gonna spin me around or anything is he?”

“Nah, I doubt it,” I said.  “Sid usually just stops the elevator and gets on or off.  Of course he’s got a bad reputation because of that dustup with Nancy, but I’ve never heard of him bothering anybody.  Stanley says he was a nice, polite young man.”

Bob was far from reassured.  Later that night, as were waiting for the elevator to leave, we heard him out in the hallway taking to his girlfriend—or rather yelling at her—over his cell phone: “There’s this guy here who WROTE A BOOK ABOUT THE HOTEL, and he says it’s haunted!  I’m gonna kill Trevor!  He screwed me!  I’m gonna check out and send him the bill!”

Bob had made the mistake of telling us his room number, and so when we got back to the hotel we left a note under his door:

Love Kills – Sid V.

But that’s not all.  When we got up to the first floor and started to go through the glass door into Sid’s wing to deliver our note, there was a drunk guy up on the second floor hanging over the railing and when he saw us he started raving, “Don’t go in there!  I’m scared of that floor!  I know what happened down there!  You couldn’t pay me to get off on that floor!”  These things tend to cluster, I suppose.  Or maybe there was a full moon that night.  We heard the drunk guy stalking around on one of the floors above as we got on the elevator to ride up to our floor, and wondered if he’d still be around when Bob got back to the hotel. -- Ed Hamilton


    

December 27, 2007

Who Could Hate the Chelsea?

There was a German couple staying next door to us in the transient room.  One afternoon I ran into the man coming out of his room, and I said, “How are you enjoying your stay here at the Chelsea?”

            “Oh, it was great until yesterday, when my wife packed up and went back to Germany without telling me.”

            “Wow! That is a bummer,” I said.  “Did she not like New York?  I know it can be very fast-paced and intimidating.”

            “She liked New York fine.”

            “Then maybe it was the hotel.  You know, there are some people who really hate it.”

            “No, she loved the hotel,” the man said.  “I think it was just me.” -- Ed Hamilton

November 19, 2007

Smoking Crack in the Elevator

“There’s this guy staying on the other end of the hall,” Carla, the beautiful dancer, said as she passed me in the hall.  “And he was smoking crack in the elevator!”

“And nobody said anything?” I asked.

“What do you think?  Of course not,” Carla said.  And in the lobby!” she added. “You know who I’m talking about?”

I thought I did.  “He’s a Southerner?”  I said that because he reminded me of the guys I used to hang out with when I was a kid.

Carla considered it.  “Uh, no,” she said, shaking her head decisively.

I tried again: “He looks like a garage mechanic?”

“That’s him.”

In fact I had run into the guy.  The night before my power had gone out and so I put on my slippers and went out to the fuse box in the hallway.  As I was resetting the circuit breaker, a goofy, manic guy, moving jerkily, burst through the door from the other side of the hall and bounded up to me.  “Was some asshole messing with that?!” he said.

            Though I didn’t have my glasses on, I could see that the man, in his early thirties perhaps, wore a trucker hat and a worn football jersey; his hair was greasy and scraggly and he sported a three-day growth of beard.  A Southerner ironically, I suppose.

            “I don’t think so,” I replied, puzzled by his question.  “Did you see somebody messing with it?”

            “Just you,” he said.  “If nobody’s been messing with it, then what are you doing?”

            “My fuse just blew.”

            He popped his head up close to get a better look.  “You want me to look at that?” he asked.

            “No, I think I fixed it,” I replied, still wondering as to why he was so interested.  “Did your fuse blow too?”

            He didn’t answer.  “I’ll get somebody who knows what the hell they’re doing to look at that,” he declared as the elevator arrived.

“Smoking crack in the elevator and the lobby!” Carla reiterated.  “You’ve got to write about that!  He told me he was paying $1000 a night in rent.”

That sounded even more remarkable.  “I guess he’d have to be smoking crack to pay that,” I said.  “But even so, he should be able to think of better things to spend his money on.”

Like, for instance, more crack. -- Ed Hamilton

November 06, 2007

CRAZED SIMIAN WREAKS HAVOC AT CHELSEA HOTEL

It was like the Murders in the Rue Morgue, only at the Chelsea Hotel.  On August 15, 1922, the 10004_2 diabolical Finnegan escaped from his cage in a pet store at 256 West 23 St.  After a jaunt across various roofs and flag poles and other high points of the area, he scaled a drain pipe at the Chelsea Hotel and entered a window.  Over the course of the rest of the day he roamed the hotel and the neighborhood at will, apparently traveling between rooms at the Chelsea by means of the balconies.  By nightfall his crimes included the killing of two birds belonging to the manager of the Chelsea Hotel (no it wasn’t Stanley—he’s not quite that old), the theft of two ears of corn from a neighborhood vendor, and the frightening of several women.  By the next day, the rogue was still at large.

            It took one of New York’s Finest, Policeman Ernest Freeberg, to subdue the dangerous miscreant.  The officer tracked the monkey to an apartment in one of the upper floors of the Chelsea Hotel, and was able to trap him inside the room before he could flee through the window.  As reported in the New York Times, the following hair-raising struggle ensued:

"Freeberg jumped for the animal just as the monkey jumped for him.  They met in the center of the room.  The monkey got the better of the first encounter.  It caught the policeman’s fingers in it’s mouth and for a few minutes the room was filled with monkey and policeman.  After the first break both sides sparred for an opening and in about the third round Freeberg, with a right uppercut to Finnegan’s jaw, put the monkey scientifically to sleep."  (New York Times, Aug 17, 1922)

While he had the chance, Freeberg stuffed the momentarily unconscious Spawn-of-Satan into a handy pillow case and delivered the soon enough writhing, shrieking bundle to the West 30th Street police station, where it was entered into the log: “One monkey, two feet high, color brown, name unknown, disposition terrible.”

            While it’s unknown if Finnegan ever returned to the Chelsea in life, in recent years there have been tales of a particularly ill-tempered little phantom scratching at the ankles of tourists on dark, moonless nights.  Such is the psychic pull of the fabled hotel, undiminished even by the grave. -- Ed Hamilton
(Editors Note: This is a story that Ed wanted to include in his book, but he forgot.)

November 03, 2007

Book Mentioned on Howard Stern as Goof

  It came as a strange but pleasant surprise when a friend from San Francisco told me that my book Legendsofthechelseahotel_2 had been mentioned on the Howard Stern Show.  The occasion was that Artie Lange had given it to Richard Christy as a Halloween present.  (Thanks, Artie)
     Though they didn’t mention my name, they discussed Sid & Nancy and Dylan Thomas and the 17 whiskeys, and so the book got over a minute of air time – whoo hoo!  One thing that disturbed me, however, was that Howard said the gift wasn’t a goof.  Let me assure you that my book is indeed a goof!
     In a sense anyway.  The book is filled with humor and I’m sure the Howard Stern show is responsible for at least some of it.  I listened to the show quite frequently when all this madness was going on, and I only stopped listening in later years because I couldn’t get any work done with it on.  Maybe with my royalties I’ll get a Sirius radio and listen again – though I doubt they’ll pay me enough.

October 31, 2007

The Strung-Out Junkie Ghost of the Chelsea Hotel

He was the angel-headed hipster who dragged himself through the Negro streets at dawn, looking for an angry fix.  He was the man who taught Bill Burroughs how to shoot heroin, and helped him grow Hunckebyv marijuana on his farm in Texas.  His exploits are recounted in Ginsberg’s Howl, Kerouac’s On the Road, Burroughs’ Junky, and sundry other staples of Beat literature.  Con man, junkie, Times Square hustler, jailbird, and muse to the Beats, Herbert Huncke was also a fine writer in his own right, penning, among other works, the autobiographical Guilty of Everything, some of it written in a stall of a Times Square subway station.

Unlike the more famous Beats, Huncke was never able to make a living off his writings, and so his story is, in a sense, one of failed ambition.  He felt that he was the real deal, that these other figures were all to some extent poseurs, and that, perhaps due to his lack of an Ivy League education, his own work had never received the attention it deserved.  Always a gentleman, Huncke’s old age found him living in a tiny room at the Chelsea Hotel with a bathroom down the hall, struggling to maintain a quiet dignity in the face of failing health and the addiction that had dogged him throughout his life.

            Like all junkies, Huncke liked to shoot up in the bathroom and nod off while sitting on the toilet.  A private bathroom would, of course, have been ideal, but since his finances didn’t permit the extravagance, Huncke was forced to make do with the shared bathroom.  For the most part, however, this arrangement worked out fine, as Huncke’s neighbors and bathroom-mates knew his schedule and were respectful of his privacy and special needs.

            That was until the whores moved in.  There were usually three of these strumpets, though sometimes up to five, living together in a small room with a shared bathroom—Huncke’s bathroom.  They were all really young, teenagers in fact, except for their leader—a girl with one leg, the other cut off at the knee--who may have been twenty or so.  The youngest girl, who was fat and had a bad case of acne, looked to be all of about 16 and was no doubt a runaway.

            No stranger to the sex trade himself, Huncke had absolutely nothing against such “ladies of the evening,” and at first didn’t give their presence a second thought.  Though he did kind of wonder about the one with the stump, he soon learned that she was in great demand, a specialist, it turned out, esteemed for her singular endowment and thereby respected in her field.

            However, through some odd coincidence, some ironic quirk of fate, in all his time living in Hell’s Kitchen and Bowery flophouses, Huncke had somehow avoided ever having to share accommodations with such beings.  Perhaps if he had been subjected to such an arrangement at an earlier age--say in his twenties—he would have cleaned up his act and gone to dental school, or moved to New Jersey and founded a dry-cleaning dynasty.  But as it turned out, this deficit in Huncke’s lived experience would allow Destiny or Providence to exploit what can only be viewed as a sort of tragic flaw in a man who had for so long lived a heroic outlaw existence on the fringe of society.

            The whores were, to say the least, heavy bathroom users.  They were forever taking long bubble baths or fussing over their hair and makeup, either singly, or in teams. Besides that, Huncke soon noticed that they seemed to own, collectively or not, an incredible amount of lingerie—which makes Gy00021cgirlinblacklingerieonphon_2 sense when you think about it—which they rotated strategically, washing the various filmy garments out by hand and draping them to dry over the shower curtain rod, the sink, and the toilet, even hanging some over the mirror.         

            Even outside of that, it soon turned out that the bathroom was an integral part of their business operation.  They were in there constantly, because—barring the occasional twosome or (prohibitively expensive) threesome--when one of them had a john the others had to have somewhere to hang out for the duration, and it would have been rather inconvenient to bother putting their clothes on and heading down to the lobby.  Especially since their turn might come next.  Nor did they merely idle away their downtime: they took with them their cell phones—huge, clunky things at the time--and appointment books, and transformed the bathroom into their makeshift office.  In that way they were able to assure a steady stream of clients, one every half-hour, from afternoon until the early hours of the morning.

            The whores ran around in the hallway in their skimpy negligee, and when Huncke knocked on the bathroom door they often answered it fully nude, and though this might have made the whole ordeal bearable for a heterosexual man, Huncke was gay, and so it didn’t do a thing for him.  At first Huncke asked them politely if they would mind not staying in the bathroom for so long.

            “If you need in, just knock,” said the one-legged leader, cheerfully smacking her gum.

But they would mill around right outside the bathroom door in their faux-silken teddies and polyester nighties while Huncke fumbled nervously with his works.  If he took more than a couple of minutes they started banging on the door: “We’re freezing out here!  Come on, we’re in our underwear!”

            Huncke didn’t really want to get into a nasty argument with the women themselves, because, from experience, he knew that where there are whores, there are inevitably pimps, and he didn’t relish the thought of a rangy, gold-toothed young man lurking in the dark hallways to spring upon him with a knife.  At his wits end, he finally could think of only one recourse.  Though he’d never been a squealer, not even when it could have saved him from hard time in the can, he sucked it up and went down to complain to the management.

            The result--which Huncke knew in retrospect to be inevitable--was that the guys at the front desk acted like he was completely out of his gourd, like they’d never heard anything so crack-brained and loony in all their lives.  As they guffawed and rolled their eyes and suggested he check into a mental hospital, Huncke, disheartened, slunk back to his tiny room.

            Nevertheless, the management did do something about it: they called the whores and told them that Huncke had complained.

            Later that afternoon, dozing in his bed, Huncke was startled by a loud wooden thumping at his door.  Opening the door, he found himself confronted by the leader of the whores.  “Why do you hate us?!” she demanded, as two of her scantily clad co-workers stood behind her for back-up.

            Huncke started to explain that he didn’t hate them at all, that he just needed to use his bathroom sometimes, but she cut him off abruptly. “You’re just jealous because we’re young and beautiful!” she declared, her boob bouncing out of her negligee as she hopped in place on her crutch.

            “Yeah, and you’re just a shriveled up old man!” her co-worker with the acne, pointing at Huncke accusingly, added over her leader’s shoulder.

            After that, the situation progressed from bad to worse, ten times worse.  It may be an overstatement to say that the whores drove Huncke to his grave, but they certainly didn’t help matters, and may have hastened the progression of the illness that would eventually consume him.  After the confrontation at Huncke’s door, the whores made it a point of staying in the bathroom round the clock, smoking crack and eating their lunch in there, and, Huncke came to believe, even sleeping curled up on the floor sometimes.  Now they wouldn’t come out even if he knocked, but would simply shout back that he should use the sink in his room--or just go in his pants for all they cared.

            Thus the poor man’s last days on earth were transformed into a living hell.  In his final hour, Huncke had but one simple desire: to get into the bathroom to inject the one blessed substance that Airshaft would ease the pain of his tortured existence, relax the iron bonds of consciousness, and allow him to slip seamlessly into the next metaphysical realm.

            Alas, the whores were laundering their lingerie.  Because his longing had been so intense, and Airshaft because he died agitated and unfulfilled, Huncke was consigned to a Limbo, a lonely, shadow-infested, half-aware state between living and final oblivion—that finds its God-forsaken locus within the crumbling red brick walls of the Chelsea Hotel.

            Often the door to Huncke’s old bathroom will be found standing open in the middle of the night, and his old neighbors know that Huncke has been by.  Sometimes the door will slam shut, for no apparent reason.  The wind?  Perhaps.  But if you’ve stayed at the Chelsea for long you’ve surely heard the mournful wail, howling up from the black depths of the airshaft in the wee hours of the morning like some forlorn Bohemian banshee: “Get out of my bathroooooooom, you fucking whoooooooooooooores!” -- Ed Hamilton

[Editor’s Note: The preceding story is fictional: ghosts don’t exist; and even if they did, Stanley would never have allowed them—or for that matter whores or junkies—to roam the halls of the Chelsea Hotel.]

October 28, 2007

Welcome NY Times Book Review Readers

     Welcome to everyone who’s coming to the blog from the NYTBR.  I’m sure you’ll find much of interest here, including updates on what has transpired since the beloved Stanley Bard was ousted as manager over the summer.  In a nutshell, the long term manager and majority owner of the hotel Stanley Bard, was accused by the minority share holders Marlene Krauss and David Elder of being a bad businessman and forced out in a hostile takeover.  The bottom line is, the hotel had simply become too valuable and the millions that their shares were producing for them just wasn't enough.  They brought in glass tower developers Richard Born and Ira Drukier to manage the hotel.  And the bohemian vibe of the Hotel was forever altered as media outrage ensued.   We’d like to see the Bard family reinstated, and for that reason the attention generated by the review is doubly welcome.

    It’s nice to get a reviewer (Jeff Giles) who really knows how to write.  What’s more, despite some of his more critical comments (which I thought were more or less fair enough), he seems to really get where I’m coming from with the book, and the comic/tragic vibe of the hotel.  One correction:  the book is not exactly a collection of the blog entries.  About half of the material in the book has never appeared on the blog.  -- Ed Hamilton

Changingsigns_2 

October 26, 2007

The Severed Hand

By 1920, the theatre district had moved uptown to Herald Square, except for a few bawdy houses and burlesque palaces that remained on 23rd Street, and the neighborhood was getting a bit rundown.  The Chelsea Hotel, however, was still at or near its peak, the stained glass windows and plate glass mirrors remaining intact, the ornate woodwork not yet obscured by the thick layers of paint that would one day cover it.

Nadia lived in the Chelsea with her well-to-do parents in a large suite of rooms.  That’s where she 153590403_f8361e9f7a_2 was born, in 1896, where she grew up, spoiled like a princess, where the artistic spirit of the Chelsea grew within her, and where, enlivened by that spirit, she was inspired to learn to paint: delicate work in the Japanese style on sheets of silk cut from bolts her father, a successful silk merchant, sometimes brought home from the warehouse.

And the theatre district, in full bloom while Nadia was a child, was where she met her handsome husband, a playwright and song writer who sold his songs on the old Tin Pan Alley on 27th Street.  They struggled for awhile on their own, moving from rooming house to rooming house, but her husband was an alcoholic and, though he managed to avoid serving in the war, could rarely find work.  And Nadia’s paintings failed to sell.  By the late teens they had two children, and soon no way to feed or cloth or even shelter them.

Her father made Nadia a deal.  She and her family could move back into the Chelsea Hotel—there was an extra room for them—in exchange for housework.  It was a great deal for everyone except Nadia, but her husband convinced her to accept.  Soon she was single-handedly cleaning the large suite, cooking three meals a day for the extended family, and washing out by hand her incontinent and demanding mother’s underwear.  All the while her husband sank further into drink, and was soon unable to bring in even the paltry few dollars he previously was able to earn through his songwriting.

            Nadia believed that her father, wealthy as he was, could have helped out with the money, but he was a tightwad, and what’s more, he wanted to teach her a lesson.  The old man had warned her about marrying that good-for-nothing dandy, and now, like a stern prophet of the Old Testament, he declared from his moral mountaintop that she must reap what she had sewn.  Already stretched near to the breaking point, Nadia was forced to take in piece work to made ends meet.

Amazingly, with the brats squalling in the background, the incontinent mother calling for fresh underwear, and the weak-willed husband calling for more drink, Nadia still managed to snatch a few minutes here and there for her intricate art.  Unfortunately, far from consoling her, this only served to reinforce her feelings of bitterness and disillusionment, as she found that her hands lacked the power to translate her ideas onto the canvas.  Looking at the offending appendages, she saw that the house work had coarsened and calloused her palms, knotted and gnarled her knuckles, aging and discoloring her skin before its time.  Flexing her hands, the joints felt tight, stiff, the result of the exacting needlework she so loathed, and Nadia came to believe that she was developing early arthritis.  “I’m working my fingers to the bone!” she cried out in anguish.

            That was to become her constant refrain. The early twenties are the time of life when mental illness typically first manifests, and at one point Nadia had to be hospitalized for two weeks at a rest facility on Long Island for a nervous disorder akin to hysteria.  (No one could see anything wrong with her hands.)  But she was much too valuable to the household to be allowed any further leisure, nor was her father willing to part with any more money to pay “those quarks” their  “extortionate” fees, and soon Nadia was back at work, and almost immediately her problems returned.

Finally, late one night, the children asleep in their beds, her husband passed out dead drunk on the floor, Nadia was able to tear herself away from the washtub of soiled undergarments long enough to put the finishing touches on what was to be her masterpiece, a scene of cranes cavorting in the Bethesda Fountain.  With intense concentration she willed her ravaged hand to put the final subtle stroke to the ambitious silken creation.  Stepping back, she surveyed her work critically.

It was crap!  Enraged, she seized a huge pair of industrial shears that she used to cut the silk and slashed her painting to shreds.  And then, very deliberately, she wedged the sheers into the corner, placed her right wrist between the blades, and fell upon the handles with all her weight, severing her delicate hand.

She hadn’t counted on the pain: searing, unbearable.  Howling in agony, and knowing her time was about up anyway, Nadia rushed to the window, threw open the French doors, and flung herself over the balcony, plunging the five floors to her death.

62912664_37739c0d62_m_3 Since that fateful night, Nadia returns to the Chelsea on moonless nights, hovering outside people’s balconies, waving her bloody stump, barred by some infernal power of cosmic retribution from ever again re-entering the hotel.  So if you ever see a ghostly shape flit by your window at night, it’s hair and gown billowing though the air, you’ll know it’s Nadia, come to reclaim her hand. -- Ed Hamilton (photo: bluehour)


[Editor’s Note: The names and details have been changed to protect the ectoplasmic.  Thanks to Sherrill Tippins for pointing us toward the March 6, 1922 New York Times article that inspired this story: there really was a woman who chopped off her hand and jumped out the window at the Chelsea, and if that won’t make you leave a ghost behind, I don’t know what will.]

October 22, 2007

More Legends to Come

     The good news is, Legends of the Chelsea Hotel has been selling briskly at the Barnes & Noble at 6th 51tyntoxi2bl Avenue and 21st Street.  Unfortunately, if you've been by there in the past couple of days, you may not have been able to find the book.  That's because they sold out.  But more are arriving, just in time for my reading on Tuesday, Oct. 23.  If you don't see any copies, ask for one.
     The book will be available in bookstores nationally very soon.  Watch for the review of Legends in the New York Times Book Review this Sunday, Oct. 28.  To read other reviews visit www.chelseahotelbook.com

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